Rediscovering a Childhood Joy


"I feel that I am entitled to my share of lightheartedness and there is nothing wrong with enjoying one's self simply, like a boy." ~ Leo Tolstoy (In response to criticism for learning to ride a bicycle at age 67.)

     My husband has gotten into bicycling recently and with his encouragement, we ordered a hybrid bicycle for me so that I could join him on his rides. I came home from work this past Tuesday to find him ensconced in the garage, putting my new bike together for me so that I could try it out. I was pretty rusty at first but got the hang of it quickly and took some short rides through the neighborhood over the next few days.
     One of my best childhood memories is riding my bike. I had several different ones and did a lot of riding when I was younger. My brother, sister, and I used to ride together in the summer down to the convenience store to buy bubblegum or candy with money we earned from chores. It was a long ride and we kept an eye on each other, reminding each other to get over when we heard cars approaching. My brother was in charge since he was the oldest. It was always exciting to reach our destination and then carry our treasure back home. Those rides were always an adventure.
     As I got older (but not old enough to drive), my bicycle came in handy for a variety of tasks. I used to babysit for a neighbor that lived several miles away. My mom would drop me off at this job on her way to work in the morning, hauling my bike along in her trunk. I would babysit until around noon each day and then ride my bike home. There were some glorious hills on that route. I still remember the feel of the wind of my passing as I tore down them, thrilling to the speed and the blur of the passing scenery- farmland, woods, wild meadows.
     This morning, these memories came to my mind as I rode with my husband on the newly opened Sam's Branch Greenway (see link below) for the first time. He had already ridden on it several times before this trip and was familiar with the course. It begins close to our home- the drive there takes about ten minutes. We have been wishing for quite some time for something like this to be built near where we live and now that wish has come true. The greenway is not yet complete. We have been watching the progress of the construction of a piece that is even closer to our house than this piece. It will all be connected when it is done. I am so excited to see this kind of project happening. When I first noticed the work beginning, I assumed it would be just another subdivision, something we have too many of in our area as far as I'm concerned.
     I was thrilled this morning to see what a beautiful job had been done to create a place where nature is on all sides and wildlife abounds. A wide variety of birds flitted about in the trees on either side as I rode, some even swooping across the path around me. Squirrels, rabbits, and even deer made appearances in the underbrush and woods. There were lovely views of the Neuse River, especially from a bridge that you ride right over the river. I felt increasingly peaceful as I rode, my mind drifting to a variety of topics and memories. By the time I returned to our car, my legs were tired, my backside was sore, but I felt happy, carrying the treasure of my memories of the ride back to my home. I'm ready to go again!

http://getgoingnc.com/2011/06/5-miles-of-greenway-emerges-in-johnston-county/http://getgoingnc.com/2012/03/3-6-mile-stretch-of-johnston-county-greenway-opens/

Remembering a Faithful Friend

"There is honor in being a dog." -Aristotle

     I am returning finally to my blog after not posting anything since last October. I just spent some time reading back through my past entries and remembered that I had written several times about mortality and the fact that none of us knows how much time we have to live in this world. I lost a good friend last December 8th and have attempted several times to write this post but have been unable to move forward with it until this evening.
     My sweet Mindy died in the wee hours of the morning after a sudden, mysterious illness that caused her lungs to fill with fluid and her body to shut down. She was only four years old and had always been playful and energetic. She truly loved our family and was happiest when she was hanging out with us, especially on camping trips. Her death devastated me. Even now, I feel guilt over having to make the decision to end her suffering. I still sometimes half expect her to come padding into a room, claws clicking, tail wagging in greeting. She used to sleep on a comfy dog pillow on the floor next to my side of the bed. I thought I had put all of her things away up in the attic but just last weekend, I found her beloved stuffed duck under the edge of the bed, unnoticed all this time. I am finally at the point now where this discovery first made me smile before I felt the familiar swelling of grief inside.
     I have been around dogs all my life and am always amazed at their love and loyalty for us faulty humans. They don't care what we look like, what kind of material goods we have, what we can do for them- they just love us. I am grateful for the time we had with Mindy. We all worked together to bury her in our backyard where she loved to romp and I still go out there and talk to her every now and again. I plan to plant some flowers there soon as a memorial to her. I still miss her and am fighting back my tears right now as I write this. God certainly knew what He was doing when He brought dogs and people together as companions. Our lives have been made that much richer with the brief time we had with Mindy and we will always remember her as a faithful and honorable friend.

Family, Friends, and Faith

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)

⁹ Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
¹⁰ If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

    Autumn is sweeping in like a chilly breeze, kissing the leaves into blushing beauty. The crisp air makes me feel like snuggling under a warm blanket, cozying up with my family. I have been thinking for a couple weeks off and on about this next post and have finally found some time this evening to sit down and attempt to put my thoughts into words on the screen.
     About two weeks ago, I was driving to work one morning and saw a sight that caught my attention and snapped me out of my mental to do list long enough to consider its simple, yet miraculous mystery and how it applies to my own life. Two Canada geese flew overhead, very close above my truck. Now, I've seen plenty of these geese and always get a thrill to witness them pass and hear their honking communication. This time, however, I was struck by the complete and amazing synchronicity of this pair. Their wings beat as one, they turned and wheeled over my vehicle as one. Never have I noted such perfect timing in the movement of two creatures up so close.

     As I thought about it, the verses above drifted into my mind and brought up thoughts of how much I appreciate my friends, family, and faith. Life is a tenuous thing; none of us know how much time we have to spend among those we love and change is always on the horizon. I would certainly be a lonely wretch without the support of those around me who care for me and my well-being. Interactions among family and friends may not always flow as seamlessly and harmoniously as those two geese I observed, but when things go wrong, we draw together and see each other through, with prayer and caring words or actions. This is a beautiful and miraculous thing, something everyone needs but not everyone has. I am grateful for the relationships I have with God, my family, and friends and want to be mindful of those around me who may need my support and words or acts of kindness to pick them up when they have fallen. 

Pondering in Goldengrove

to a young child

Margaret, are you grieving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leaves, like the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Ah! as the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By & by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you will weep & know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sorrow's springs are the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed:
It is the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.

--Gerard Manley Hopkins

     I was reminded of this poem when my daughter recently teared up while we were driving to her school one morning. We were discussing the fact that autumn is coming on soon . When I asked her what was the matter, at first she said she didn't know but then admitted that although she likes fall, it always makes her feel a little sad, "like things are coming to an end." I have always loved fall with its myriad colors and the satisfying crunch of dry leaves underfoot, the scent of woodsmoke in the air, the energizing nip in the temperature, but I can certainly relate to that melancholic feeling she expressed. Winter is not my favorite season, though moving to the warmer climate of North Carolina has alleviated my winter blues to quite an extent. My many winters spent in New York State brought me to a point where I felt a heavy dread begin to grow inside when the first snowflakes flew in autumn. How delightful it was to discover daffodils beginning to sprout in January and bloom in February the first spring I lived down south. Even after sixteen springs here, I am still amazed to see those green shoots poking out of the ground so early in the year.
     Part of the reason I began this blog was the feeling Hopkins expressed so eloquently above: the sense of time's passage, of mortality, of the realization that life is fleeting. The somewhat overused expression "carpe diem" comes to mind. I look at the picture below of my children from two autumns ago and already they have grown so much, changed so much. My mind is set on making a conscious effort to make the most of each day, to create memories with my family,  and cease the mindless hurtle through the days, the months, the years. As the air begins to chill and the autumn colors begin their subtle, yet eye-catching creep across the green of youthful leaves, I choose to live in the now, enjoying each moment I am given on this beautiful earth with my beautiful family and friends. Here's to a spectacular autumn!

Wrestling With Weeds

Matthew 13:22-23

²² "Now he who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the word, and the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and he becomes unfruitful. ²³ But he who received seed on the good ground is he who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty."

     My garden is slowly drowning in weeds. The flowers peek forlornly from beneath the boisterous batches of unknown and unwanted plants that have sprung up around them. They began with small shoots and lack of attention on my part allowed them to creep insidiously upward and outward until they became a big problem.
    Last weekend, I decided the time had come to start wrestling the weeds into submission. I pulled and plucked for hours, my daughter sometimes helping me, and still the job was incomplete. I now stand and shake my head, irritated with myself for letting the weeds get so out of control. A combination of other obligations and the extremely hot temperatures this summer made it all too easy for me to avoid this necessary task.
    As I was weeding, I remembered the verses from the Bible I've listed above. As I have said before, I would rather be out in nature than anywhere else, and often feel closest to God there. In the stillness of wild and natural places, I hear God's voice most clearly. I have been trying in my own life lately to determine what is most important and worthy of my time and attention. Too often, I have allowed the cares and difficulties of life to choke out these things just as the weeds have choked the flowers in my garden. I must not allow the stress and seeming tail-chasing of everyday life create such frenzy and busyness that I neglect to look around for someone in need that I can help, someone I can cheer with a kind word, someone in whose life I can make a positive difference. My prayer today is that the "weeds" in my life will not get in the way of showing God's love to my family, my friends and acquaintances, and to people I have not even met yet.

The Call of the Sea

"I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying."
-John Masefield
     We spent some time visiting Wrightsville Beach this past weekend and I was struck by the common expressions I noticed on the faces of people young and old and in between all around me and my family. It was a blustery, overcast day, not what you would think of as perfect beach weather, yet everyone I saw was smiling and enjoying the moment. I guess it goes to show, as a friend of mine said, "There is NEVER a bad day at the beach." There is just something about being by the ocean that brings peace. I can still remember seeing the "real" ocean for the first time when I was an undergrad. I had to stop and just stare in awe for a few moments at the vastness of it all. The breeze in your hair, the hint of salt on your lips, and the sounds and sights of the waves and the cries of the gulls eases and soothes. As I begin a new school year with all the stress and excitement that brings, the memory of this walk on the beach will suffice when I need a happy place to occupy my mind.

A Gardener's Patience

"Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

     Gardening is something I truly enjoy. Time spent digging in the dirt, pondering the possibilities, analyzing (and sometimes eating) the results, battling weeds, and dreaming of the next season, is never wasted. It is also a time when I might engage in some personal interior pruning, harvesting, and re-positioning, time for my mind to wander deep into thought about various topics.
     In my mind, I have been debating with myself about what to write about in this next entry and looking for inspiration for several weeks, feeling inexplicably guilty for not producing anything. On summer break, you would think it would be easy for me to find time to sit down and crank out something! Watching the growth of my tomatoes this summer has made me think about my own progress as a writer and a thinker. It takes time and care for those delicate yellow flowers to morph into gorgeous red globes. To a casual observer, it might seem that little is happening during the actual day-to-day process but to one invested in that process, the end result is deeply appreciated. For me, writing at this stage of my life seems to follow a similar pattern. The thoughts churn around in the back of my mind, often pushed aside by other necessary obligations. Eventually, they coalesce into something of substance that pushes back and demands to be expressed, not unlike a seedling bursting up out of the soil. I am learning to show myself the same patience and care that I show the vegetables and flowers in my garden. With so many demands on my time, and a new school year beginning soon, I am granting myself permission (without guilt) to take the time to continue to nuture my own soul and creativity.